NAPATSORN TREESAP

Momentarily, my faith sticks with you— God
Let me pray for him, let me see him safe 
Let me see him survive from discomfort
Speechless, sorrow speaks for me
                                                       I’m in grief 
All over me, aching and it’s hard to breathe
I touch his hands through plastic instead of his skin
I rub his hair gently while saying, “It’ll be okay”
I numb completely what I am thinking
                                                        I’m in grief
2 am I awake with the waves of anxiety 
I’m diving too deep in the teary ocean 
I can sense something— fear, is that you standing at the back of my room? 
Why are you so loud in my head, it’s just 4 am.
Doc please help him— please I’m begging 
The blood he needs— please take mine
I don’t even wanna live 
Why did God punish me by letting me live
                                                          in grief?
Why me who always sees the depth of the ocean?
Why me who always drowns in the middle of the teary sea?
Why me who always pipes the sad rhyme?
I cannot take this anymore, too numb to be able to say fine
I see him slowly leaving the world behind
I miss his voice even when I heard it all night 
How he called my name and said he needed some water 
How he called my name and said he felt cold
How come the next day I have to say goodbye 
How come the next day I hurt like I’m going to die
How the world be so cold to me by paint my world 
                                                             With grief 
I am torn apart, threnody— I am in the dark
The cold weather in the middle of February 
How could you be the coldest day of my life?
How could you force me to shake with all the saddest signs?
How could— how could you stab me with all those agony times?
                                               Flame me with grief
God, I miss him so much, 
My second father— my kindest person on earth
Most generous heart, most beautiful soul 
Taught me to read— taught me
Taught me all kinds of rhymes  
My lovely grandpa—my kindest person on earth
I never wanna believe it, but the pain inside keeps emphasizing
Fireflies, a soul of the angel cry, 
I miss him home 

 © 2024 Napatsorn Treesap